Ok, I get that he's a vampire, who doesn't sweat and smell like humans do, but, surely he'd still get dirty. I'm afraid I didn't like this authors writing style at all and at times I found the dialogue confusing. And there was just far too much use of the word "dude", which just drove me mad. Maybe, in LA, this is how people speak, I don't know? And the ending was just unbelievable. The book just stopped. I don't like open endings, I like a neat finish, but I don't know if I would even call this an open ending, there was just too many things left unanswered, too many ways that things could have went.
I asked the author if there was a sequel, and she said there was nothing planned at the moment, but if the fans wanted one, then yes. I feel like she didn't finish this one with the express purpose that "fans" would need a sequel just to get some closure. After speaking about the ending with the author, I've deducted a star because it just didn't feel right.
As much as I wanted to know how things were ending, I wouldn't read a sequel. Jun 23, Caitlin rated it it was ok Shelves: free-books , arcs-giveaways , books-i-have-a-physical-copy-of. Beth Bloom from HarperTeen along with three other summer releases. Where to start Putting it in the simplest terms possible, Drain You is about Quinlan Lacey I think she's seventeen or eighteen, but I can't remember Whilst falling in love with a dead guy, Quinn's also determined to save her sort of best friend Libby from her vampire boyfriend, who's draining her of blood.
That's basically all there is to it. I mean there's a tangle of romance going on what with James, Morgan Quinn's co-worker , and Whit Jame's younger, human brother , and there's some scary face-offs with a gang of four vampires which, by the way, includes Libby's boyfriend. Drain You is told from Quinn's first person perspective and is divided though I don't know why into two parts.
Okay, there were parts of this book that I liked and that were funny, but unfortunately they were overshadowed by a lot of parts that I did not like. First off, the way Quinn, Libby, James and sometimes Morgan talk is annoying. Are there really people who speak that way? Quinn has the particularly annoying habit of ending her thoughts with "Whatever" even though there's no "Whatever" about it, and she does it about every five paragraphs okay, that's a bit exaggerated, but she does it A LOT. I knew this book was going to be rough for me within the first paragraph just because of the way some of the characters talk.
I can say that it improved a little as the book went on, but only a little. Every fiber of my being does not like him. I don't even know if I can put into words why I don't like him, but it continually built up while I was reading the first part of this book. Thank goodness I didn't have to put up with him anymore! At least for a while James just isn't my kind of guy. In no way did he appeal to me. On the note of James, Quinn's romance with him Basically, she sees him one night when she's leaving her job at the video store and is instantly taken with him. She can't get him off her mind and is determined to have him for a boyfriend even though Naomi Sheets the youngest of the Sheets children, also human tells Quinn that it won't work and she needs to give up thank you, Naomi.
Does, Quinn? Is she scared at first? Yes, but it lasts all of a few pages until she's come to the conclusion that she doesn't care because their love is so strong please forgive my sarcasm. It's like she can't be her own person anymore, and just can't be happy without him. Also, James leaves her after they have sex. My main problem with this is that he leaves a note. Just a note. Does he talk to her face to face? He leaves a freakin' note. And, even though in this note he promises to return, Quinn gets all kinds of depressed thinking she's been abandoned forever.
Sorry, but no. You don't sleep with a girl, leave the state with nothing but three sentences on a piece of paper to explain your actions, and still get considered a good romance option. Especially when it's really not for any good reason. Absolutely not. First of all, Twilight was way better. Sorry, but in my opinion, it is. Also, I can see some Twilightish aspects in Drain You. I won't go into them, but they're there. Let's move on to things I actually liked about this book I love Whit.
Whit is a hundred times better than James. He is funny, upbeat, and human. He shows up in part two and improved the book by a lot. He becomes Quinn's best friend. I like Quinn with Whit whereas I did not like her with James. Please, Quinn, leave James and choose Whit instead. I'm begging you. I actually like Namoi even though she spends a great deal of the book actually hating Quinn. Why wasn't this book told from Naomi's point of view? It probably would have improved it, not to mention been a bit more unique for this kind of book.
Naomi is one of those people who strives for perfection, and has her head on straight. She also didn't talk in that annoying way that I mentioned earlier. Morgan is Quinn's poor, curshed-out co-worker at the video store. He would do anything for Quinn, and Quinn uses this fact throughout the book to her advantage. She's doesn't deserve him, but she does at least know she doesn't deserve him. Honestly, I think that's it. There were some instances of funny dialogue especially between Whit and Quinn , but beyond that While I was reading this book, well, I kept waiting for something about it to stand out.
I wanted to know what was special about it. Why did the publishers pick this book up? What's so wonderful about it? By the end, I came to the conclusion that there isn't anything. There's nothing special about the vampires. They can't go out in sunlight, fire kills them, they drink blood, biting turns humans, and they're basically a dead body.
Seen all that before. Quinn, despite her annoying dialect, isn't really special either. She's typical as is the story. Harsh but true. Now, there are probably readers who will love this book. They'll identify with Quinn, love James, and think the plot is great. But, that's just not me. I have read a ton of vampire books, and this book just doesn't match up. The writing is okay. The flow is okay. Quinn isn't the best heroine ever, but she's not the worst.
She has her good and bad qualities. There's not a lot of action. The romance didn't appeal to me. The ending I'm not sure what to make of the ending. It didn't feel like it tied everything off nicely. There were strings left hanging, but not even strings-left-hanging-to-lead-to-a-sequel. More like strings left dangling all alone. I didn't hate this book. It was just okay. The two stars is because it was an easy read and there were some aspects to it that I did enjoy. If there's a sequel, I'll skim it in the bookstore, but I won't buy it and then I'll only skim to see if Quinn decides to leave James for Whit.
Aug 29, Areebaflaunts rated it did not like it. The first half of the book I had zero clues about what I'm reading. I was pages in and still didn't get the story. Nothing was connecting and no background of the character. It was like I was just dumped into a story and had to read and flow. At this end, I thought I might leave it but I never do that.
I can hold on to a book if it's too slow or heavy and I need to ponder upon its contents but never leave a book and never go back. It just haunts me. So, I decided to go with it, no matter what The first half of the book I had zero clues about what I'm reading. So, I decided to go with it, no matter what finish it and finally today I did.
But my thoughts haven't changed! I do get the story's main idea but the characters were loosely built and they had simply no basics build or created an ending! What happened to James and where did everyone go and many other questions are still in my head! I got this book as a generous gift from a local bookstore but could not find myself loving it. Jul 21, Amy rated it really liked it. Oh, Stephenie Meyer, I do blame you, sister. And I'm sure I'll blame E. James when the inevitable rush of BDSM books comes my way. So it was with no small amount of trepidation that I started reading this book.
Yet before I knew it, I'd been sucked in to the story. GET IT? Okay, maybe not. I'd love to say no pun intended, but I intended it. Quinlan Lacey is on the cusp of her senior year of high school and fighting the malaise of her life: parents who give her way too much freedom, a boring job at a boring video rental store, a best friend who is too blonde and too rich and too equally bored, and a boy who loves her a little too much. She attempts to battle her dull sheen by dressing in quirky styles, whether donning a bikini top to go to work or plaid flannel accompanied by thick black eyeliner.
Quinn needs something interesting to happen, otherwise she might just float away on a flotsam of boredom. But meeting James Sheets may be more than what she wished for, if not more than what she needs. Unfortunately, he is not the only vampire in town. Some of Quinn's high school classmates are members of that increasingly not exclusive club, and when her best friend Libby is preyed upon, Quinn decides to rescue her. Doing so, however, puts Quinn, James and James's siblings, Naomi and Whit, in a whole heap of trouble. But Quinn can't help herself. She can't help that she loves James and not Morgan, her video store coworker who she can't help taking advantage of, even if she knows it's hurtful.
She can't help that she alternately uses and enjoys the friendship of James's sister Naomi. She also can't help that she wants to rescue Libby, because that's what best friends do. I waited for the fear to take hold and disfigure every sweet vision I had of James's face into something awful and evil. But the fear didn't flood my mind as much as the loneliness. I felt lonely for James, for Naomi, for Libby, for myself. Loving James was seriously not okay, and I knew it. His whole life - existence, whatever - wasn't real. My taste in guys had gone from lame to dystopian.
See, every time you start to hate Quinn and hate this book, M. Beth Bloom hooks you back in with lines like that. Just as Quinn can't resist James, even though she knows better Morgan, Whit is out there, you will not resist this book. That isn't to say that it's good. It occasionally is repetitive - how many times is Quinn going to leave a note for her parents just before driving off in their Lexus - and not many of the characters are all that likable. Then there is the ending. I assume M. Beth Bloom is setting us up for a sequel, because there is no other explanation for how this book ends.
Believe me when I tell you that you will scream in frustration. Teen readers will probably enjoy this a great deal, for both its romance and its characters, whether vampire or human.
While much of Quinn's dissatisfaction may seem off-putting to the grown-ups, it undoubtedly will hit a familiar vein there I go again with the teens. As vampire books go, Drain You is not bad, but it takes work to read it. You need to push through the frustrating, monotonous parts, much like Quinn needs to with her life. It's worth it, if only to want to wring - if not bite - M.
Beth Bloom's neck. This review is published on cupcake's book cupboard. Jul 05, RaeLynn Fry rated it really liked it Shelves: Drain You By M. A deep love, but not one you tap into on a daily basis. St Drain You By M.
Drain You (Nirvana Cover)
Ebook, pg 76 …I drew on so much eyeliner I looked like a sobbing drunk raccoon on a tequila bender… Ebook pg Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for my unbiased review. But I kept reading and figured out that this was pretty much awesomeness. It instantly reminded me of The Lost Boys, but now. Quinn, for me, is very real.
She cares deeply about those who mean something to her. Admit it. There are several different, unique relationships Quinn is a part of, and they all come to life so realistically. Her absentee parents but their very functional relationship. Her coworker and complicated relationship-er, Morgan. Her casual best friend, Libby. The snobby girl from school, Naomi. James, the hot brother Quinn never knew existed.
The equally hot other brother and instant best friend when crush disappears, Whit. And the evil twins, Stiles and Sanders. They all work brilliantly. Depending on how well this one goes. I thought it was a tight, well-written story encapsulated into one book. The ending was finite but there are definitely LOTS of questions that still need answering. But getting as close and invested as they did—and in only a week—is a little hard for me to swallow.
Watch it again and change your mind , and if you enjoy dark humor, pick up the book. Pick it up and decide for yourself. For this review and more including an awesome giveaway! That is how Drain You made me feel. Beth Bloom is clearly an incredibly talented writer. Her style is poetic and beautifully descriptive. Her world building is strong and she is clearly very creative. The problem For this review and more including an awesome giveaway!
Bored teen falls in love with dark and dangerous vampire. Vamp boyfriend leaves and she falls into an extremely dramatic depression, etc, etc. What Drain You does do differently from the other books like it is focus on a different type of character. There are no self-conscious plain girls here. This is Gossip Girl meets Twilight; everyone is beautiful, spoiled and completely self-absorbed. Their time is taken up with parties, alcohol and sex. Quinn has to be one of my least favourite characters of all time.
She is unbelievably selfish and the worse thing is that she knows it. She uses people for what she needs without even caring about the consequences. It is implied that something will happen between them in the future, so much for love! I think the truth is that she expects everyone to love her whilst she remains free to love who she wants when it suits her. I quite honestly hated her. Yet, despite the plot and the terrible characters there are moments of brilliance in this book.
The dark side of the vampires are great and the moments when the villains are around are creepy and spine-tingling good. Bloom is not afraid to take her writing to dark places and that combined with her writing style creates sparks of magic. Unfortunately there is just not enough of these moments, instead the pages are crammed with teen angst and relationship issues.
The good parts of this book are outstanding but it is all weighted down by unlikeable characters and an all too familiar plot. I think Beth Bloom is an author to watch, I may not be a fan of this book but I look forward to reading something different from her, hopefully with characters I can get behind. Okay, so this one is a tough one, guys. There's a LOT I liked about this book, and then a lot of it just didn't work very well for me.
While "Drain You" is has a very dreamy, languorous style to it, the bigger parts of the plot just kind of didn't ring true. But I can tell you one thing - if you're a child of the 90s, this is a book you definitely have to check out. The good parts: this book drips of pre-Buffy '90s pop culture - video stores with actual VHS tapes! Bloom does a fantastic job with plunging us back into that time period and really made me long for it even though I was 9 or 10 at that point.
So the worldbuilding for this book was surprisingly top-notch. Bloom does a great job with sensory imagery and language to really bring us back into the 90s and all of its greatness and horrors , and I was pleasantly surprised on that point, too, as it's so very hard to accomplish. But Bloom did it. What was also great was the character building for our MC and her best friends - but not so much for the love interest. I'm split on this one because there was a rather strong dichotomy between the stronger character building with the MC and her best friends - and then in regards to everyone else.
It was rather painful to read, and disappointing when I saw the most important people and their world really, really fleshed out but everyone else feeling rather one dimensional. So when it came to character building as a whole, I felt like this book definitely needed at least one or two more drafts to clean things up and make everyone on even footing in terms of character development. What wasn't cool: the insta-love. While bringing vampires into a pre-Buffy culture seemed like an amusing idea, the insta-love definitely ruined it for me. From there, the plot fell into the trap that so much of the PNR genre whether it's YA or adult, it doesn't matter does - instant attraction and longing, usually ending up with one partner stalking another until the actual love action happens.
And that's when I kind of mentally checked out. I stayed with it until about pages in, and then I just couldn't take it anymore. The PNR trap just kind of sucked that dreamy joy out of it for me. I was done. Though I did sneak a peak forward to the zombie bit which was fun , but the PNR trap had already done its damage by then.
So, as you can see, I'm really split. On the one hand, the style, the voice, and the worldbuilding were top-notch. On the other, the plot and the character building just didn't really happen. And it seems like I'm not the only reviewer out there that feels this way - there was so many strengths in this book but the weaknesses really kind of started to outweigh them halfway in.
It wasn't complete crap, but it wasn't even three star adequate, either. But that's just me, and I'm ridiculously picky. For fans of the PNR genre, I'd definitely recommend this. Either way, I suggest you give it a read to see where you stand regarding the plot versus the style. Apr 29, Dani rated it liked it Shelves: fic , young-adult-teen , creepers-yaaaay , supernatural , faeries-vampires-etc , irresponsible. Dude, like, whatever. Ok, some thoughts, maybe more to come, not sure. Occasional anachronisms, but I guess it might be inevitable to have a few.
But I did get really sick of hearing about diet coke and all the ridiculous stuff she was wearing. Soooo not impressed by her "fashion sense". At one point, she wears a bikini top as a shirt. Just don't, with that. People have eating disorders and don't need a role model who drinks 10 cans of diet coke a day. Quinn from the 90s is already an iconic character, namely, Quinn from Daria, and you should just not use that name. My opinion.
I can't deal with Nirvana or pictures of Kurt Cobain or anything; I feel about it the way I would feel about a really bad and really intense relationship I had in my teens. It was like that. Like a relationship I had in my head. It's all super creepy and best forgotten. Lol, I don't get along with my fifteen-year-old self, though at least she did a lot of art. Also, the line after "It is now my duty to completely drain you," is: "I travel through a tube and end up in your infection. He was just, eh. I would have liked him to be more vivid and for it to be more obvious why she was in lurrrve with him.
Dunno, overall, I enjoyed this book for the entertainment value. I continued to want to know what would happen throughtout, which was about all I was looking for. It's not great literature, the plot is strikingly unoriginal but whatever , the word "whatever" is way overused, and no one should emulate Quinn. But it was O. Just OK. OK enough that if there's a sequel, I'll read it, though. As many others said, I think there is a lot of potential here and this author will be back with some really kick-ass stuff in the future. Sep 18, Amanda rated it really liked it Recommended to Amanda by: Andrea.
Shelves: for-review , ya-lit , usa , blog-tour , paranormal , julyrelease , review-on-the-blog , summer-reads , vampires , s. Beth Bloom is set in California during the 90s. But then she meets James and her summer gets a whole lot more dangerous. Beth is vegan, t Drain You by M. Beth is vegan, too! I loved her whatever-attitude, her laid-back approach to life and clothes, and while not the easiest character to like, she had me charmed as much as she did Morgan, who had a major crush on her.
I liked her best friend, Libby, as well as her relationship with James. The plot was so intriguing, I knew there were going to be vamps involved but I liked the slow build up before Quinn got clued in and the fact that they are, for the most part, killers, and not out to be friends with humans. This book invaded my thoughts whenever I wasn't reading it, so much so that I had the most vivid dream about this book.
I really love the setting of California. I know most people who dream of going to the USA might pick New York, but for me the West Coast has always held more appeal, probably because I grew up on the beaches and the weather in Cali sounds just right. It also helped that while reading this I was lying by the pool in the sun, I'm sure Quinn would have approved. The 90s pop cultural references were so entertaining and I appreciated them all. For most readers that grew up in the 90s this will be such a fun, nostalgic read. My only issue was the ending, what a killer!
I have so many questions as to the whereabouts of some of the main characters and whether the plan actually worked. I'm still thinking about it days later. Drain You is a modern, vampire romance with a grungy-feel. It will appeal to young adults and probably even more so to not-so-young adult YA fans. Thanks to the publicist for sending me a copy for review! Talk about vampiric tendencies.
Unlike our nutty Bella,she- 1 is snarky 2 Has a life even though it only contains- a working snoozing at a video store b ranting about her sad existence in a very haha way c fending off the romantic advances of good friend and coworker d mooning over Kurt Cobain although he is six feet under 3 has very cool clothes- think super long Nine Inch Nail t-shirts and micro shorts that stay almost hidden beneath aforementioned NIN t-shirts but not in a trashy way , tons of mascara and and armload of gold necklaces.
On second thought, one person in particular I am really starting to draw comparisons here- Remember Angela Chase and Brian Krakow? Now James is that kind of a guy who walks a girl without actually walking her home, drains people for nourishment and apparently can't stay away from Quin despite Naomi's warnings. Come to think of it, this book is pretty messed. Not only there is insta-love Aaaarrghh!
The book started on a very good note. Had my hopes flying high like a kite But it started going downhill halfway or so. It was basically a bumpity-bump ride for me. How you make me swoon. In all seriousness, I gave this book another full star because of Nirvana yeah I am a bit biased like that What? My So Called Life meets Twilight? My So Called Life? As in the awesomest TV show ever? I know I'd sworn off Vamp books for good, but just look at it!
The blurb says My So Called Life. These 4 words-Beckoning to me like a beacon does a mosquito in the darkest of the night. How can a girl ever resist that? The sad truth is, my breasts have come between us. What a larf. Drain You is really a different kind of book than I normally read. But I fell in love it. There's no doubt Drain You is unique and so are its characters. I had the feeling while reading this novel that Bloom wanted me to dislike her main character, Quinn, but at the same time wanted me to fall in love with her.
And I did fall in love. Yes, I wanted to slap her for being a selfish, self-centered little brat, but I also understoo Drain You is really a different kind of book than I normally read. Yes, I wanted to slap her for being a selfish, self-centered little brat, but I also understood her. This is definitely a very different kind of paranormal romance.
Bloom plays no games with her dark, sadistic storyline, or the dark characters. And I have to say that I love it. James pulls no punches in what he is and what he has to do to live. I loved this totally opposite of Edward. The only thing that did disappoint me was the ending. I felt like it was unfinished—too many questions left unanswered. But I can live with this if there's going to be a sequel. That's how much I did love this book. Quinn is a pretty messed up girl who thinks the universe centers around her.
Though she hates herself for being like this, she just can't seem to change. No, there was no love triangle going on with Quinn. Morgan, who is Quinn's co-worker, has feelings for Quinn and was trying to have a relationship with her, but this just left him open for Quinn to easily use him, which Morgan understood this about Quinn. This is why I liked Morgan, he understood this about Quinn and he was a strong, self-assured person and accepted Quinn for who she was. Drain You is a very dark, eerie, and wicked novel, and I think you have to really open your mind to read this one to see who the characters are.
Dig deeper than just the surface. I love this sinister and wicked side of the paranormal. I recommend Drain You as a fantastic dark read. Mar 26, Vanessa Booke rated it it was amazing Shelves: harperreviewarc. I felt like I was in a flashback from the past. Although the majority of the book dealt with Quinn's obsession with James, it also had a coming of age feel to it.
I really enjoyed Quinn's sassy and confident attitude, even when things were looking pretty dark. It was refreshing to read about a girl who was not only confident about herself but with her body. I loved Quinn's clueless and adorably funny parents. You can't help but want them to be yours especially when they're cool about you staying out late and not showing up until two days later. I enjoyed the tension between Quinn and Whit and Quinn and her co-worker Morgan. During the second part of the book I was starting to think that Quinn really wanted to be with Whit or rather she was better fit with him.
I enjoyed the complication and the unspoken feelings that she had for him. Quinn is definitely a free spirit, but it often gets her into trouble especially with boys. I personally couldn't help but adore that she was a go with the flow kind of girl. I thought the tension between Quinn and her friendship with Libby was a nice touch to the story. I think it's a topic that a lot of girls can relate to losing a friend to a boy, even if it is a vampire boy.
Overall, I really enjoyed Bloom's writing style and I thought she did a fantastic job telling Quinn's story. My only complaint is I wish the story would've wrapped up at the end a little better but in reality it leaves room for a possible sequel to the story. May 25, hayden rated it liked it Shelves: original-ish , odd , really-weird. Advanced copy obtained via Edelweiss. Thank you, HarperCollins!
"Drain You" lyrics
Drain You is a very interesting book. It's the first one I've read and the first I've been accepted for on Edelweiss. The only word I can really come up with to describe Drain You is unique. The book is truly unlike anything else I've ever read, and I can't tell if that's for better or for worse. First of all, the book doesn't really go anywhere. It does have a plot, but it doesn't necessarily follow the structure plots are supposed Advanced copy obtained via Edelweiss. It does have a plot, but it doesn't necessarily follow the structure plots are supposed to.
The book just kind of does whatever it wants to, which is refreshing, but it might throw some people off. The writing is very conversational. When I say very conversational, I mean very conversational. The characters actually say and think "like," which is commonly done in reality, but I've never actually seen it written in a book. I can't tell whether it shoots the maturity of the book to the ground or is perfection. Probably both. It is definitely a family thing in this case! I am getting out of this unhealthy relationship with my energy vampire - My wake-up call was realising that I've lost the happy-go-lucky person that I was before.
What was surpising is that I couldn't see it until I really hit rock bottom - that is, total exhaustion - a mixture I think of my boyfriend being very charismatic and me being a sucker for a sob story. However, I believe it's important for those who are dealing with negative and draining people that we don't adopt the 'victim' mentality. WE allowed these people to drain us and we can only be drained if WE accept it.
If anything, this relationship has taught me to enforce my own boundaries, to stop letting other people take advantage of me, and to really be careful who I let into my life. I know deep down that it was me - and me only - that invited this situation into my life by allowing others to take advantage of me because for a very long time I have put others' needs before my own. If anyone else finds them attracting draining people by the busload as I have , I feel that you should look at yourself first. They are attracted to you for a reason and that reason is probably that you are no doubt a very kind and understanding person who unfortunately LETS people use them and is too afraid of upsetting someone to put their OWN needs first I'm certainly guilty of this.
I thought for a very long time that I could encourage my boyfriend to be more positive, upbeat and motivated. I tried talking to him about the situation and to lead by example. In the end, I've used up all my resources trying to encourage positive change, and it's my health and well-being that has suffered. Unfortunately, all can do now is cut myself off from my energy vampire. I intend to explain politely and honestly my reasons why that I am drained from trying to lift him up, potivate and encourage him and being subject to such constant negativity , but to put myself first for a change and heal myself.
He deserves honesty and I hope it will shock him into changing for his own sake , but that, alas, is ultimately up to him. You spotted an obvious typo. Good for you!
Drain you of - Idioms by The Free Dictionary
Next time pat yourself on the back instead of posting a useless comment. After all you described you are being put through it surprised me that it sounds like you haven't even considered leaving this loser. At least he is your boyfriend and not husband. You should leave him before you end up pregnant with his children and end up trapped in a relationship with him.
Not only will you have kids to care for but sounds like he can't do anything for himself. If you think you are unhappy now it could get worse if you let it. Don't let him drag down your self-esteem, which I suspect he has or you would have mentioned leaving, because there are men out there that are nicer and not so helpless and needy. Actually he sounds like a carbon copy of his mother because men don't typically get that dramatic discussing other's faults. That's what crabby old ladies do! Leave him and stop wasting your life away! People like that are mentally ill and there is nothing you can do to change him.
People only change if they want to change themselves. You can do much better than him! I read this article after googling 'drained by rude people'. I am definitely not a ball of sunshine, but it's usually in response to rude, inconsiderate people. When I'm home alone, I'm actually quite positive, or at least content. For example, today I left my house in a good mood.
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On the way to Trader Joe's, some creepy guy started hitting on me. I kept walking faster to get away from him. He then yelled, "Whatever, you're a f'n lesbian! A minute later, I walked into a grocery store to buy some water. The cashier was so obnoxious. She was one of those miserable old ladies who hates everyone. I do not want to become this woman, but I'm afraid it's going to happen.
I'm starting to really hate people at this point. I don't show it or vocalize it, but it's a hatred that is starting to grow everyday. I am not one of those draining people who complain all of the time. In fact, I understand what this article is saying about staying away from people like this. I just don't understand how to be more positive. I have been screwed over by so many people that I pretty much just keep to myself. I have tried to 'think positive thoughts', but it all gets clouded out by the end of the day.
By the time I get home, I feel so drained. I guess what I want to know is.. I think my abusive upbringing played a part in how threatened I feel by the world. My internal dialogue is becoming so angry. Not one 'excuse me' from anyone. In fact, I seemed to be the only one with a concept of personal space today.
Some lady was having a very loud conversation with her boyfriend approximately 1 inch away from my face. No joke. I honestly wanted to punch her. I may be extremely negative, but at least I'm not a narcissistic moron. I try to not let things get to me, but it's so hard. How can a person who is negative rewire their brain? I know there are always going to be inconsiderate jerks in the world, so how can a cynic become more accepting of it? I'm trying to learn ways to desensitize myself to my outer environment. I don't think all negative people were born that way.
I think it took years to become like that. That being said, I think it's very unfair for negative people to whine about everything. If people do that, I tell them to see a therapist. No one needs that crap in their lives. I don't want to continue on this path of negativity, but I also don't want to become one of those 'fake' happy people who look like they are seething underneath. Is there a happy medium? I like what Allan said. Anyway, sorry to be so self-centered in this post, but I guess I need some advice if anyone's willing to listen. There's a great book called A Simple Act of Gratitude that might help a bit.
A mindset of graditude is also a big part of meditation as well. Just an idea. In both professional and personal near-circles, removal of this personality type is actually critical for your mental and physical well being. I am living proof, as my health and outlook is much better these after taking this action.
It doesn't help that my depression twists my interactions with people so I interpret everything as a personal attack, but I know there are actually people actively avoiding me because I exhibit these traits. So what do I do? Be aware of how you talk and what you say. I have a family member who has gone through this, but still bothers me with his everlasting issues.
Can't take it anymore, very resentful. He doesn't let up. When your parent is the negative needy one it is hard to let go of them and leave.
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I became my mother's emotional caregiver when I was in middle school. My father encouraged it since he couldn't deal with her negativity and neediness - he'd call me from my bedroom "come talk some sense into your mother". While today we know better than to ask a child to deal with adult problems, back in the s when I was a child we didn't know those things. My mother was loving, supportive, and took care of me - got my sister and I to school on time, dressed us, fed us etc. When my father died suddenly at the age of 69 all of my mother's caregiving fell on my shoulders. I became her husband, her secretary, her friend, her accountant, her sister, her mother, her bookkeeper.
Every week she would come over to my house with a shopping bag of the mail she received so that I could go through it and pay bills for her. This shopping bag contained newsletters and marketing letters, basically junk mail that she insisted on saving for me to throw out - "I want you to look at it". She would call me at least 2 to 3 times a night after work and if I went out and forgot to tell her I'd come home to 10 messages on my machine. One time when I was out of patience and simply refused to return her calls she called the police hysterical that something had happened to me - that was her way of being the master manipulator.
I put up with this behavior for 20 years, with each year as she got older she became more needy and rightly so as older people lose their ability to be independent. At the age of 87 she was diagnosed with colon cancer, required surgery and went into a nursing home to recuperate where she still lives today. It wasn't until 4 years after she went into the home that I was able to get my energy back.
Caring for her all those years while working in a high-paying demanding job just robbed me of energy and my life. I became deeply depressed and could see no way out. To this day I'm not sure I would do things differently because the guilt of turning my back on my mother was too great I knew I couldn't enjoy my life if turning my back on her was the only way to be independent.
I don't know what advice to give the young man who is in a similar situation - to some degree you have to reach deep inside yourself and ask yourself if you could live with yourself if you abandoned your mother. If the answer is no then you have to keep helping her as I did. If you have extended family perhaps they can help and you can rotate being supportive to her. That didn't work with my extended family - no one wanted to be involved - they were just glad I was taking care of it.
I'm now 61 and ready to start living my life free from being encumbered. I gave up the middle years of my life to take care of my mother and now I'm trying to figure out what I want the rest of my life to look like. Most of my life's dreams weren't fulfilled because of the responsibility and exhaustion of caring for her but it is truly wonderful to have reached the stage of life where I don't have any stressors or worries.
I wish I didn't feel so bad for having wasted so many years of my life helping someone else to live theirs - you can never get that time back. If this is your struggle speak to friends, family, professionals and try to sort out a solution you can live with - my way didn't really work for me but abandoning a demanding, needy loved one isn't a happy solution either.
Your story is really moving. It resembles a lot thr relation of my partner with her mother. Recently we have had heated arguments over having kids. I want them i am 42 , she is ambivalent. My mother in law has become a widow 4 years ago and now my wife has become her "husband, secretary, sister, accountant etc".
I think this relationship drains my partner's energies a lot and maybe one of the reasons why she is reluctant to have kids. I feel very frustrated and i have pointed out to her that she needs to set up boundaries with her mum. I wonder whether your experience had an impact on your romantic or marital relationship. My energy vampire is attempting to fix MY problems, and if there isn't any, she creates them for me. Everything that I tell her my mother she manages to make out to be a sign of a psychological problem that she just has to get involved with. I would love to be the one fixing her problems for her, but she doesn't have any - if anyone suggests such thing, she bursts into tears for always being blamed for everything and attacked.
Talking with her is impossible, and so is not talking because "I'm shutting her out". All my life I've tried to avoid her negativity, until I completely lost it some time ago and wrote her a long letter, the strong worded type and sent a copy to her brother, my brother, my father and his sister, just to get some backing Didn't get much, but at least it made her think.
Currently I'm still fuming anger, I feel like she stole 20 years of my adult life by being this controlling and meddling. I curse my patience and respect of my elders - no more. I'm trying to break the cycle of being the one who props up, listens to, indulges, tries to fix, etc. I was raised in a dysfunctional home with a lot of co-dependency going on, and lo and behold, I was co-dependent and didn't realize it until very recently I'm 47!
She's helped me see clearly, establish boundaries, and start over again when something happens and I backslide. These skills are not easy to learn, but they are life-savers, believe me! My current challenge is dealing with my elderly mother's neighbor. God, she's a pain in the ass.
She sees herself as someone who is extremely decent, good-hearted, concerned, and so on. And I have appreciated her efforts to make sure my mother is safe my mother has dementia and lives several hours away from me. However, having said that -- she is oblivious to boundaries, horribly nosy, so frantic with worry that I spend more time calming HER down and listening to HER problems and offering HER sympathy, that I'm an angry wreck every time I have to deal with her.
After reflecting on it for a while, I realized that what I am growing out of -- co-dependency -- is exactly what she is rooted in. And it's making me physically ill. So, now I am polite, but curt. I no longer thank her profusely because she's a bottomless pit with her need for gratitude.
I just say thank you and that's it. If she goes overboard with her efforts, and it's due to her own anxiety, then I don't thank her. I don't acknowledge her effort at all. Sounds harsh, and it feels harsh, but it is necessary. I no longer ask her, or listen to, her tales of woe. I used to think it was reciprocal of me, but again, due to her manipulation, it gets twisted and corrupted into something unhealthy. Anyway, I'm feeling my way through this. It's no fun, and I really hope it is resolved soon.
Good luck to all of you! I hope your next article is about people with horrible boundaries who blame others for their emotional state. May I reproduce this article and its ideas on the website patiencetoperfection. The site is intended for self-help and personal development with an emphasis on psychology. If you are ok with the post being featured credit your name, link to this post, and anything else you deem fair would be included.
We can all feel negative at times about certain aspects of our lives. Some people complain about everything and get into the moaning mode as I call it. When you look at the TV news and you see all those displaced people fleeing their countries because of oppression in one way or another you reflect on your own problems are in most cases they are nothing compared to theirs. My mother is a spry, smart and dynamic woman who's intelligence and unique turn of mind are refreshing and entertaining.
However, she is, especially with me her youngest daughter, fault finding, critical, over correcting and always ready to lay out your domesday future. With her, the four horseman are always ready to ride. All my life my looks and weight were always critically commented on and any compliments were back handed. Though I was a high school and college athlete and considered a "belle" here in the south. With therapy as I am adult I have realized that much of her ranting is projection identification and I find myself much more comfortable volleying her incoming insults.
Now I am concerned with the feelings of resentment I have, immediately followed by guilt and shame, for the time I spend with her. I have a demanding job that requires constant travel. On the weekends I really want to keep to my own agenda and relax a bit. Most weekends I end up traveling about 2 hours to spend time with my mother. You see we lost our father to cancer 5 yrs ago and my mother is battling a chronic low level case herself.
I enjoy spending time with her. I want to spend time with her. But her house is filthy. She is a hoarder. I have tried to help. I've taken my vacation time to help clean and organize only to come back and find that in two weeks time she has dragged more off the streets into the house. She will pick up plastic shelves, old picture frames. Someone's journal, cloth red boxes of books, you name it she is rifelling through rooting around in someone's trash like a littler beaver to see what she can find.
I have told her I can't help clean if she keeps this up. The house is falling apart. The paint in the bathroom will peel off the wall as you shower, literally. She has considerable sums of money and could afford to have her home cleaned or repaired. She expects me to come to her. In 20 years of my adult life, as I have lived in a hour radius of her she has come to visit me twice. She is much too busy with all of her "projects". All of the children are expected to come to her as if she is a dowager of some great estate.
I always was finding a ride to my sporting events or biking or running to where I needed to be. She never came to support me as my peers very busy parents did. And now especially the last 10 years I spend my time racing to an from long work road trips to be with her even though when she was in the fullness of her life, she didn't do the same for me. I feel sooooo petty for feeling this way. I care about my mother deeply and the guilt of not visiting her would ruin the time I would spend doing anything else.
Yet after visiting I feel exhausted and depressed. All I can do is take a shower and crawl into bed. I think it is the doomsday negativity and squalor of her house. She tells me I am being too fussy and that there is nothing wrong with her house but even her closest friends confide that they don't know how she lives that way. I can handle the guilt. A woman I'm seeing, she said I have great energy that she can't handle it at the moment.
When we started to date, she mentioned my energy, she said it was warm and inviting. But now she cant be around me because I drain her energy. The only difference from when we started to date till now, is I've gain deeper feelings for her and i felt her feelings for me as well. Took me a long time to be able to recognize my behavior in the list. I was the victim. I realize now that some of the folks I drained only stayed around because of what they could get from me.
They probably didn't let my negativity affect them because they had a goal. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder adjustment disorder. Unfortunately, my mom never got help for her issues. She allowed her life to be miserable and her only coping mechanichism seemed to be living vicariously through her children. I didn't realize how unhealthy this was. I didn't realize it was even happening get until years later.
I was socially awkward as a child and as an adult I have my socially awkward moments than I care to admit. How can you have boundaries when the person who is suppose to teach them to you doesn't and constantly disrespect yours? The only way you know to communicate with people is to interrogate them. You don't even realize you're asking intrusive questions because these are the same questions being asked of you by the one who should teach you better.
It has been an exhausting existence on this side of the fence as well. I'd say even more so at times. This is the hand I was dealt, I refuse to be a victim any longer. The hardest thing was cutting off relationships with people I had considered friends for over thirty years. The real friends called me on my behavior and told me what the y really thought.
It caused me to seek professional help. I only wish someone had done that for my mom. While growing up my siblings and I would hear her yell to the top of her lungs on numerous occasions " I can't wait until all of your assessment are grown and out of my hair. And I probably did so more than any of my siblings. I never had children because I didn't want to ruin another person's life. It's sad but I still believe today that I made the right decision there.
Saying "I get to" instead of "I have to" can lessen stress. Developing a solid game plan can make job hunting much more successful. Recognizing the common reactions after job loss can help you move on. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. The New Science of Sleep Experts suggest ways to correct the habits that keep us from resting well.
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